I just arrived in Seoul, to resume my routine, which had to be interrupted to allow me to return to Los Angeles and work for a week. I'm very relieved to be back; I blogged about the frustrations of being back home in my personal blog.
Now, back to my journey back to Seoul. No luck with Sarah today. My flight out of Los Angeles was delayed, so I don't think I flew anywhere close to Sarah. Moreover, my flight took an unusually northerly route, through Anchorage, Nome, the Diomedes, Siberia, and Sakhalin, in order to find weaker headwinds. A United flight (or any other US-flagged flight) would not have been able to file the flight plan that my Asiana pilots had filed, because it involved flying through North Korean air traffic control sector, something US aircraft are not allowed to do. And no luck finding a United aircraft when I landed at Incheon Airport, and certainly no tall redhead flight attendants.
Now, I need to get back to my dinner scenes with Sarah. Once they are done, I can move on to something more tangible - like a sex scene that will find its way to the actual storyline. I hope that Seoul (and hopefully, the rest of South Korea, and maybe even Hong Kong) will continue to give me inspirations in the most unexpected of places.
I tried to bring a bit of my own self and some transgender-related stuff to Seoul, but all I could pull off was a book - She's Not There by Jennifer Boylan. It should also serve as a good inspiration source.
30 October 2008
27 October 2008
Some thoughts before resuming Seoul
I'll be back to Seoul, and back to my meditation regimen, before I know it. And as I do some background philosophical readings on spirituality and other good stuff, several thoughts cross my head, and some are definitely relevant to Sarah.
Most modern religions tend to frown on sexuality, as a source of all sorts of sinful behavior, and suppress it at any cost. This is especially true of Christianity and Islam. Even Buddhism, at least of the Jogye Sect which controls 90% of South Korea's Buddhist activity (and therefore pretty much the only Buddhist brand I am personally exposed to), suppresses sexuality by requiring monks to be celibate. But the philosophy that I am reading up on calls for a different approach to sexuality, one that sees sex as more of a life force. That's why sexy motifs are found in some Hindu temples. And not only is sex drive part of the vital force that keeps a human being going, but it also literally creates a new life. In particular, the ability of a woman to take in sperm from outside and create a fully independent life form must be respected and revered. Used wisely, sexuality can do lots of wonderful things. The key is to approach sexuality from the angle of holistic energy, as opposed to a mere biological function.
In conjunction with sexuality and the need to see it beyond biology, gender requires the same approach. Humans are born male and female, biologically (genetically, chemically, or otherwise). But beyond the biological sex and the brain's gender identity, there are many other factors at play. Everyone has a combination of male and female energy and qualities. It's perfectly fine for a woman to possess qualities that are masculine in nature, such as being aggressive or outspoken. It's also perfectly fine for a man to be introspective or nurturing, qualities that show the female energy. One's true gender must take all these aspects into account, and in the end, a given human being is neither completely male nor completely female, but a good mix of both.
And these approaches to sexuality and gender are what I need to take into Sarah and myself. Sarah is a good mix of both male and female qualities. Born as a boy named Sanford, and capable of fathering a future child, Sarah nevertheless has many female qualities, from her innate identity to her ability to care for her customers. Sarah has been happy to completely embrace her female qualities. At the same time, she also develops an appreciation for her male biology and past, as well as her analytical qualities, which can definitely be considered traditionally male. It's a great thing that I made Sarah a flight attendant; not only does it showcase Sarah's female qualities such as nurturing and presentation, but her male qualities, especially those that revolve around aviation, don't go wasted either. I need to also make sure that I see myself in the same way, as a mix of male biology, female identity, and qualities of both genders.
When I fly back to Seoul, I will fly Asiana again. My flight is Asiana 201, which leaves from Los Angeles daily, flying over San Francisco before arriving in Seoul at 6:30 PM the next day. As I pass San Francisco, I will be joined by another flight: United 893, a daily service from San Francisco that arrives in Seoul around the same time too. It will be a special experience to have my flight, and Sarah's, cross the Pacific together in close proximity. When I land in Seoul, I'll surely look for a tall redhead in a navy blue coatdress, at the immigration check lines.
My continuing meditation will also mean that I will return to Seoul periodically well into the future. As I will be an elite-level customer at United from now on, I will be eligible for a 25% mileage bonus every time I fly - but only on United, US Airways, and some Lufthansa flights. My future Seoul tickets will therefore more likely be on United, through San Francisco; I will certainly look forward to flying *with* Sarah on the same plane, instead of side-by-side.
Most modern religions tend to frown on sexuality, as a source of all sorts of sinful behavior, and suppress it at any cost. This is especially true of Christianity and Islam. Even Buddhism, at least of the Jogye Sect which controls 90% of South Korea's Buddhist activity (and therefore pretty much the only Buddhist brand I am personally exposed to), suppresses sexuality by requiring monks to be celibate. But the philosophy that I am reading up on calls for a different approach to sexuality, one that sees sex as more of a life force. That's why sexy motifs are found in some Hindu temples. And not only is sex drive part of the vital force that keeps a human being going, but it also literally creates a new life. In particular, the ability of a woman to take in sperm from outside and create a fully independent life form must be respected and revered. Used wisely, sexuality can do lots of wonderful things. The key is to approach sexuality from the angle of holistic energy, as opposed to a mere biological function.
In conjunction with sexuality and the need to see it beyond biology, gender requires the same approach. Humans are born male and female, biologically (genetically, chemically, or otherwise). But beyond the biological sex and the brain's gender identity, there are many other factors at play. Everyone has a combination of male and female energy and qualities. It's perfectly fine for a woman to possess qualities that are masculine in nature, such as being aggressive or outspoken. It's also perfectly fine for a man to be introspective or nurturing, qualities that show the female energy. One's true gender must take all these aspects into account, and in the end, a given human being is neither completely male nor completely female, but a good mix of both.
And these approaches to sexuality and gender are what I need to take into Sarah and myself. Sarah is a good mix of both male and female qualities. Born as a boy named Sanford, and capable of fathering a future child, Sarah nevertheless has many female qualities, from her innate identity to her ability to care for her customers. Sarah has been happy to completely embrace her female qualities. At the same time, she also develops an appreciation for her male biology and past, as well as her analytical qualities, which can definitely be considered traditionally male. It's a great thing that I made Sarah a flight attendant; not only does it showcase Sarah's female qualities such as nurturing and presentation, but her male qualities, especially those that revolve around aviation, don't go wasted either. I need to also make sure that I see myself in the same way, as a mix of male biology, female identity, and qualities of both genders.
When I fly back to Seoul, I will fly Asiana again. My flight is Asiana 201, which leaves from Los Angeles daily, flying over San Francisco before arriving in Seoul at 6:30 PM the next day. As I pass San Francisco, I will be joined by another flight: United 893, a daily service from San Francisco that arrives in Seoul around the same time too. It will be a special experience to have my flight, and Sarah's, cross the Pacific together in close proximity. When I land in Seoul, I'll surely look for a tall redhead in a navy blue coatdress, at the immigration check lines.
My continuing meditation will also mean that I will return to Seoul periodically well into the future. As I will be an elite-level customer at United from now on, I will be eligible for a 25% mileage bonus every time I fly - but only on United, US Airways, and some Lufthansa flights. My future Seoul tickets will therefore more likely be on United, through San Francisco; I will certainly look forward to flying *with* Sarah on the same plane, instead of side-by-side.
26 October 2008
Biological basis for transsexualism?
A research in Australia, involving over a hundred male-to-female transpersons, suggests that there may be a biological/genetic basis to being transgender, just like being gay.
BBC
Specifically, the study suggests that a longer androgen receptor gene, which is known to interfere with the supply of testosterone, plays a critical role in fetal development, and causes a more female brain/identity development in a male embryo.
This may be the latest in a series of similar findings. And plans are to replicate the experiment with even larger population samples, just to be sure.
Nevertheless, the religious establishment will continue to attack the transgender population, especially in such backward places as Poland, Central America, and Saudi Arabia. Some governments will go as far as interfering with transpeople outside their own borders, as South Korea currently does in the US. No amount of scientific fact will deter these bastards and their hatred, and I will fight them to the bitter end.
BBC
Specifically, the study suggests that a longer androgen receptor gene, which is known to interfere with the supply of testosterone, plays a critical role in fetal development, and causes a more female brain/identity development in a male embryo.
This may be the latest in a series of similar findings. And plans are to replicate the experiment with even larger population samples, just to be sure.
Nevertheless, the religious establishment will continue to attack the transgender population, especially in such backward places as Poland, Central America, and Saudi Arabia. Some governments will go as far as interfering with transpeople outside their own borders, as South Korea currently does in the US. No amount of scientific fact will deter these bastards and their hatred, and I will fight them to the bitter end.
Comment moderation is on
I normally believe in as much free speech as possible, including on my blogs, unless outright hate speech is involved.
However, the recent day or two over at my other blog has led me to turn on comment moderation there - and here as well.
A right-wing extremist ethnic Korean, based in Boston, with an intense hatred of Barack Obama and any other "Communist" (his label for anyone who does not buy the agendas of the Republicans in the US, and/or their puppets Grand Nationals in South Korea), has been spamming my blog with nonsense comments showcasing extreme hatred of Mexicans, gays, liberals, and even non-Republican Americans. I loved having him spam away - as I was able to gather all the crap the South Korean right-wingers believe in, even without trying, and showcase their stupidity to the world. But he has now worn out my welcome.
South Korea's government and Grand Nationals, through the Unification Church, have been able to buy lots of influence in US politics. They started the rumor about Obama being a Muslim extremist. They funded the McCain campaign and California's gay marriage ban; after all, they can't allow California's homosexuals to live in peace and corrupt the Korean-American neighbors (especially their teenage kids!) into the homosexual lifestyle. While it appears that the gay marriage ban will pass (though only after intense misleading negative campaigning), the McCain presidency will be much harder to pull off. President Obama will never forgive the Grand Nationals over this.
Now, you may ask, why am I up at 2:30 AM all PO'd? I'm not PO'd - I was just too busy writing the Seoul dinner scene with Sarah, and had stopped for a quick look at my emails and my blog. The scene is going very well - and already, both Sarah and I have made choice comments about the South Korean conservative involvement in US politics, though we are trying to make the best of the situation by concentrating on other topics.
And of course, I will also blame the jet lag. Coming back to Los Angeles, only to go back to Seoul a week later, certainly takes a toll. As my current return to Los Angeles is only temporary, I am not even bothering to make major efforts to adjust to the time difference, as I have to do it all over again soon anyway. I am also appreciating Sarah's own time zone travels, as she will have to change a bunch of time zones every few days.
However, the recent day or two over at my other blog has led me to turn on comment moderation there - and here as well.
A right-wing extremist ethnic Korean, based in Boston, with an intense hatred of Barack Obama and any other "Communist" (his label for anyone who does not buy the agendas of the Republicans in the US, and/or their puppets Grand Nationals in South Korea), has been spamming my blog with nonsense comments showcasing extreme hatred of Mexicans, gays, liberals, and even non-Republican Americans. I loved having him spam away - as I was able to gather all the crap the South Korean right-wingers believe in, even without trying, and showcase their stupidity to the world. But he has now worn out my welcome.
South Korea's government and Grand Nationals, through the Unification Church, have been able to buy lots of influence in US politics. They started the rumor about Obama being a Muslim extremist. They funded the McCain campaign and California's gay marriage ban; after all, they can't allow California's homosexuals to live in peace and corrupt the Korean-American neighbors (especially their teenage kids!) into the homosexual lifestyle. While it appears that the gay marriage ban will pass (though only after intense misleading negative campaigning), the McCain presidency will be much harder to pull off. President Obama will never forgive the Grand Nationals over this.
Now, you may ask, why am I up at 2:30 AM all PO'd? I'm not PO'd - I was just too busy writing the Seoul dinner scene with Sarah, and had stopped for a quick look at my emails and my blog. The scene is going very well - and already, both Sarah and I have made choice comments about the South Korean conservative involvement in US politics, though we are trying to make the best of the situation by concentrating on other topics.
And of course, I will also blame the jet lag. Coming back to Los Angeles, only to go back to Seoul a week later, certainly takes a toll. As my current return to Los Angeles is only temporary, I am not even bothering to make major efforts to adjust to the time difference, as I have to do it all over again soon anyway. I am also appreciating Sarah's own time zone travels, as she will have to change a bunch of time zones every few days.
24 October 2008
Dinners with Sarah
Yes, they are in plural. I decided that I will write TWO dinner scenes between myself and Sarah. We will have dinners in both Seoul and Hong Kong.
My past month of meditation in Seoul gave me some good down time to think about Sarah and her likes/dislikes, and I got quite a few inspirations from throughout Seoul. I need to start writing these down into a dinner scene format, while I can still brainstorm.
Now that I am temporarily back in Los Angeles - and getting very outraged at the political developments in California and the US (courtesy of South Korean government funding, at that) - I need to start writing the scenes, if only to distract myself for a bit. Otherwise, it's several more days until my departure back to Seoul, and I won't make it that long. I will start on the Seoul dinner scene immediately; for the Hong Kong scene, I will probably write it in Hong Kong when I get there.
The Seoul scene is already sketching out quite nicely in my brain. Sometime mid-afternoon, I will head out to Gimpo Airport to rent a midsize car for a week, and drive immediately to the Shilla near downtown, where Sarah is staying. The goal is to have a nice chat in the car, as we drive over to Jamsil for a dinner (and to share our pasts - Jamsil was to me what London was to Sarah). We will spend time shopping together after dinner as well, before returning to Sarah's hotel room, where she will show me some things that relate to her flight attendant work, as well as a one-year temporary passport (which means her surgery is scheduled sometime in the near future). Sarah will probably nag me quite a bit, between my recent posts on this blog regarding her anatomy and my resemblance to her wife Kirsten in just about all aspects.
The Seoul scene should happen sometime mid-November on a rainy day, which will explain why we'll be staying indoors pretty much. I will assume that Barack Obama is the President-elect, and that California has passed its gay marriage ban; some choice political remarks will be made over these developments. I'll make sure to play some Sarah McLachlan in the car's CD player - so that Sarah will enjoy the ride together. Sarah should wear a forest green raincoat that matches her eye color; under it, she will sport Sanford's plaid shirt as a minidress, with a skinny belt to accentuate her waistline. I'll probably show up dressed in all black (which will lead Sarah to nag me a bit, as I look like going to a funeral) - in an Ally McBeal-style miniskirt suit, just like Kirsten.
As for the Hong Kong scene, I have a few ideas on how to proceed, but I don't want to go ahead until I am actually there and experiencing the city in person.
It should be a very therapeutic experience writing the two scenes.
My past month of meditation in Seoul gave me some good down time to think about Sarah and her likes/dislikes, and I got quite a few inspirations from throughout Seoul. I need to start writing these down into a dinner scene format, while I can still brainstorm.
Now that I am temporarily back in Los Angeles - and getting very outraged at the political developments in California and the US (courtesy of South Korean government funding, at that) - I need to start writing the scenes, if only to distract myself for a bit. Otherwise, it's several more days until my departure back to Seoul, and I won't make it that long. I will start on the Seoul dinner scene immediately; for the Hong Kong scene, I will probably write it in Hong Kong when I get there.
The Seoul scene is already sketching out quite nicely in my brain. Sometime mid-afternoon, I will head out to Gimpo Airport to rent a midsize car for a week, and drive immediately to the Shilla near downtown, where Sarah is staying. The goal is to have a nice chat in the car, as we drive over to Jamsil for a dinner (and to share our pasts - Jamsil was to me what London was to Sarah). We will spend time shopping together after dinner as well, before returning to Sarah's hotel room, where she will show me some things that relate to her flight attendant work, as well as a one-year temporary passport (which means her surgery is scheduled sometime in the near future). Sarah will probably nag me quite a bit, between my recent posts on this blog regarding her anatomy and my resemblance to her wife Kirsten in just about all aspects.
The Seoul scene should happen sometime mid-November on a rainy day, which will explain why we'll be staying indoors pretty much. I will assume that Barack Obama is the President-elect, and that California has passed its gay marriage ban; some choice political remarks will be made over these developments. I'll make sure to play some Sarah McLachlan in the car's CD player - so that Sarah will enjoy the ride together. Sarah should wear a forest green raincoat that matches her eye color; under it, she will sport Sanford's plaid shirt as a minidress, with a skinny belt to accentuate her waistline. I'll probably show up dressed in all black (which will lead Sarah to nag me a bit, as I look like going to a funeral) - in an Ally McBeal-style miniskirt suit, just like Kirsten.
As for the Hong Kong scene, I have a few ideas on how to proceed, but I don't want to go ahead until I am actually there and experiencing the city in person.
It should be a very therapeutic experience writing the two scenes.
22 October 2008
Back to California, for now
I have temporarily returned to Los Angeles to take care of a few work-related items. This won't last long, however; before I know it, I will find myself back in Seoul.
My journey across the Pacific today had quite a few reminders of Sarah, though I have no photos to show for it. First, as I arrived at Incheon Airport, I was able to see a row of flags representing the dozens of nations that currently maintain passenger and/or cargo service to the airport; the sight of Stars and Stripes there immediately reminded me of Sarah and her employer.
I waited at the Asiana Airlines lounge before departure, during which I monitored various Asiana departures. A good number of the Asiana departures had United codeshare flight numbers; they would handle the connecting passengers from United 893, the daily nonstop flight from San Francisco that arrives every early evening (and definitely a route Sarah works). Conversely, my Asiana flight back to Los Angeles carried a United flight number as well, so that passengers would be continuing on to the rest of the US with Sarah's colleagues.
As my Asiana flight to Los Angeles started taxiing away from the gate, it passed by a new satellite terminal, just opened this past summer, which handles all foreign airlines. I was able to catch a distant glimpse of a United 777 parked at a gate, sporting the new white/blue paint job. My immediate thought was: Sarah has just arrived in Seoul, as I am leaving. The 777 is Sarah's favorite aircraft model to work in (and also my favorite to fly in - my Asiana flight was also a 777, and it featured video-on-demand.) The sight of Sarah's plane made me smile.
My Asiana flight crossed the Pacific at 750 mph, thanks to strong tailwinds, and before too long, I was making landfall - right over Pacifica, Sarah's birthplace and teenage hometown. The Bay Area was crystal clear, and I had a good view of everything, even from an altitude of 39,000 feet; I could see the Golden Gate Bridge, which always tells Sarah that she's come home, as well as her later Berkeley home. I even had an excellent view of Sarah's home base - San Francisco International Airport. I almost wanted to shout out loud: "Hi Sarah!" Never mind that Sarah had just arrived in Seoul as I left - and her plane was to sit at Incheon Airport overnight.
During the flight (which nevertheless added up to over ten hours - though it felt short thanks to the video-on-demand system), I kept thinking of a few things related to Sarah. I am thinking that I will need another dinner scene between myself and Sarah, now that many changes have been made to the storyline. Preferably, I want to meet her during my Hong Kong excursion. If I don't end up in Hong Kong, we will meet in Seoul, and take a drive together in my rental car. Either way, it'll be very interesting writing either scene.
My journey across the Pacific today had quite a few reminders of Sarah, though I have no photos to show for it. First, as I arrived at Incheon Airport, I was able to see a row of flags representing the dozens of nations that currently maintain passenger and/or cargo service to the airport; the sight of Stars and Stripes there immediately reminded me of Sarah and her employer.
I waited at the Asiana Airlines lounge before departure, during which I monitored various Asiana departures. A good number of the Asiana departures had United codeshare flight numbers; they would handle the connecting passengers from United 893, the daily nonstop flight from San Francisco that arrives every early evening (and definitely a route Sarah works). Conversely, my Asiana flight back to Los Angeles carried a United flight number as well, so that passengers would be continuing on to the rest of the US with Sarah's colleagues.
As my Asiana flight to Los Angeles started taxiing away from the gate, it passed by a new satellite terminal, just opened this past summer, which handles all foreign airlines. I was able to catch a distant glimpse of a United 777 parked at a gate, sporting the new white/blue paint job. My immediate thought was: Sarah has just arrived in Seoul, as I am leaving. The 777 is Sarah's favorite aircraft model to work in (and also my favorite to fly in - my Asiana flight was also a 777, and it featured video-on-demand.) The sight of Sarah's plane made me smile.
My Asiana flight crossed the Pacific at 750 mph, thanks to strong tailwinds, and before too long, I was making landfall - right over Pacifica, Sarah's birthplace and teenage hometown. The Bay Area was crystal clear, and I had a good view of everything, even from an altitude of 39,000 feet; I could see the Golden Gate Bridge, which always tells Sarah that she's come home, as well as her later Berkeley home. I even had an excellent view of Sarah's home base - San Francisco International Airport. I almost wanted to shout out loud: "Hi Sarah!" Never mind that Sarah had just arrived in Seoul as I left - and her plane was to sit at Incheon Airport overnight.
During the flight (which nevertheless added up to over ten hours - though it felt short thanks to the video-on-demand system), I kept thinking of a few things related to Sarah. I am thinking that I will need another dinner scene between myself and Sarah, now that many changes have been made to the storyline. Preferably, I want to meet her during my Hong Kong excursion. If I don't end up in Hong Kong, we will meet in Seoul, and take a drive together in my rental car. Either way, it'll be very interesting writing either scene.
21 October 2008
Parting shot
As I prepare to return to Los Angeles temporarily, I am posting one final item that Sarah would love to spot here in Seoul.
Yes, that's all five seasons of Ally McBeal, starring Calista Flockhart as the skinny neurotic miniskirt suit-clad lesbian lawyer.
In the US and Canada (Region 1), the copyright issues over the myriads of songs used in the show meant that only six episodes of Season 1 were ever released in the DVD format. However, in the rest of the world, the copyright issues are settled, and all five seasons are available in their entirety. These are Region 3 DVDs in NTSC format, good for use in South Korea and Taiwan.
I personally have the Region 2, PAL version of all Ally episodes, imported from the UK. I am able to play them at home in the US, thanks to my code-free DVD player that can also convert PAL to NTSC.
I dunno if Sarah identifies with the show strongly enough to actually bother with code-free DVD players and imported DVD box sets. I have to figure out what the draw of Ally is for Sarah. It can't be the same as for me; in my case, I was drawn to Ally's fashion sense (especially the trademark miniskirt suits), her wild imaginations and hallucinations, and her lesbianism, and I used "Ally McLesbian" as my nickname for years, especially when I was almost as skinny as Calista. I certainly can't put Sarah in miniskirt suits, despite Sarah's own penchant for high hemlines, as Kirsten is supposed to be the suit-obsessed type; Sarah will probably have to either wear minis in a more casual setup, or resort to babydoll dresses and tunics.
Yes, that's all five seasons of Ally McBeal, starring Calista Flockhart as the skinny neurotic miniskirt suit-clad lesbian lawyer.In the US and Canada (Region 1), the copyright issues over the myriads of songs used in the show meant that only six episodes of Season 1 were ever released in the DVD format. However, in the rest of the world, the copyright issues are settled, and all five seasons are available in their entirety. These are Region 3 DVDs in NTSC format, good for use in South Korea and Taiwan.
I personally have the Region 2, PAL version of all Ally episodes, imported from the UK. I am able to play them at home in the US, thanks to my code-free DVD player that can also convert PAL to NTSC.
I dunno if Sarah identifies with the show strongly enough to actually bother with code-free DVD players and imported DVD box sets. I have to figure out what the draw of Ally is for Sarah. It can't be the same as for me; in my case, I was drawn to Ally's fashion sense (especially the trademark miniskirt suits), her wild imaginations and hallucinations, and her lesbianism, and I used "Ally McLesbian" as my nickname for years, especially when I was almost as skinny as Calista. I certainly can't put Sarah in miniskirt suits, despite Sarah's own penchant for high hemlines, as Kirsten is supposed to be the suit-obsessed type; Sarah will probably have to either wear minis in a more casual setup, or resort to babydoll dresses and tunics.
Brief Interruption
I've spent over a month in Seoul already, and I've gotten some new inspirations for the novel, even in the most unexpected of places. I especially feel good about further defining Sarah's body image, sexuality, and fashion sense, as well as a few travel habits.
Right now, I am interrupting my Seoul stay, in order to briefly return to Los Angeles for a few days to work out some work-related stuff. Once that's out of the way however, and I also make arrangements to vote absentee in the presidential election (as the US electioneering by the South Korean government must not go unpunished), I will find myself back in Seoul for a few more months at least.
I am hoping to bring a few outfits this time - including tunic sweaters and/or my trademark miniskirt suits - as well as my makeup bag, if I can get away with the whole thing.
Once my return to Los Angeles is over, and I find myself back in Seoul, I will look for even more travel opportunities, hoping to translate them into even more inspirations for Sarah. My eventual goals include a weeklong rental of a car here in South Korea (so that I can use some of that time to visit the ancient capital of Gyeongju), as well as a possible visit to Hong Kong, a city Sarah is sure to serve and love. As winter approaches and Seoul gets colder, a few nights in warm Hong Kong won't hurt.
On a different note, I spent time at the movies this afternoon, taking in How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, which was supposed to be funny, but a bit too pathetic for me, despite the presence of Kirsten Dunst, Gillian Anderson, and a few other actors I liked. There were two transwomen, both pre-ops (and played by genetic females), in the movie, but they were little beyond the stereotypical strippers and deceptive seducers of men. Sure, Sarah is proud of her male bits in her own way, but she is a hardcore lesbian feminist and doesn't fit these stereotypes!
(And the Korean captions were sure to throw the audience off! When the first transwoman, a friend of Kirsten Dunst's character, shows up nude in front of the male protagonist, he screams "penis!" But the caption translated it to merely "darn." A later carping by Dunst mentioning the "transsexual" simply translated it to "man." Later on, there is a mention about a "woman with a pecker" in the caption, but it refers to the second transwoman, a stripper, whose genital area was blurred inside a male symbol, but the tip was visible at the end of the scene anyway.)
Right now, I am interrupting my Seoul stay, in order to briefly return to Los Angeles for a few days to work out some work-related stuff. Once that's out of the way however, and I also make arrangements to vote absentee in the presidential election (as the US electioneering by the South Korean government must not go unpunished), I will find myself back in Seoul for a few more months at least.
I am hoping to bring a few outfits this time - including tunic sweaters and/or my trademark miniskirt suits - as well as my makeup bag, if I can get away with the whole thing.
Once my return to Los Angeles is over, and I find myself back in Seoul, I will look for even more travel opportunities, hoping to translate them into even more inspirations for Sarah. My eventual goals include a weeklong rental of a car here in South Korea (so that I can use some of that time to visit the ancient capital of Gyeongju), as well as a possible visit to Hong Kong, a city Sarah is sure to serve and love. As winter approaches and Seoul gets colder, a few nights in warm Hong Kong won't hurt.
On a different note, I spent time at the movies this afternoon, taking in How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, which was supposed to be funny, but a bit too pathetic for me, despite the presence of Kirsten Dunst, Gillian Anderson, and a few other actors I liked. There were two transwomen, both pre-ops (and played by genetic females), in the movie, but they were little beyond the stereotypical strippers and deceptive seducers of men. Sure, Sarah is proud of her male bits in her own way, but she is a hardcore lesbian feminist and doesn't fit these stereotypes!
(And the Korean captions were sure to throw the audience off! When the first transwoman, a friend of Kirsten Dunst's character, shows up nude in front of the male protagonist, he screams "penis!" But the caption translated it to merely "darn." A later carping by Dunst mentioning the "transsexual" simply translated it to "man." Later on, there is a mention about a "woman with a pecker" in the caption, but it refers to the second transwoman, a stripper, whose genital area was blurred inside a male symbol, but the tip was visible at the end of the scene anyway.)
14 October 2008
Reconciling Sarah with her male past
Two posts ago, I stated that Sarah would continue wearing a few of Sanford's shirts, as minidresses, for a sexy fashion statement. I never pictured Sarah keeping Sanford's old outfits until now, but as soon as I thought of that, and had a mental image of Sarah in those shirts, all sorts of thoughts started going through my head.
I am thinking that when Sarah starts living as a woman, her impulse is to give away Sanford's entire wardrobe to charity. After all, the very concept of Sanford is something that Sarah would like to forget, immediately and once and for all. And those long shirts that I am thinking of are going to be quite useless anyway, as it's the mid-1990s, when tunics were on their way out and bare midriffs were coming in. But for some reason, two of those long shirts, one plaid and one denim, somehow stored separate from the rest of the wardrobe, will get overlooked, and by the time Sarah re-discovers them a few years later, she'll hold on to them, for possible use as nightshirts.
The two shirts will make poor nightshirts, but somehow they will stay in Sarah's wardrobe. She'll attempt to pair them with her bellbottoms and wide-legged trousers, but she won't like them too much. But as the years progress into the mid-2000s, and leggings, then menswear-inspired shirtdresses, come into style, Sarah will finally find good use for the shirts. They will actually be a bit too short to be proper dresses, but Sarah won't mind - as long as her derriere (barely) stays covered, anyway. She'll take pleasure in knowing that those shirts were not borrowed from a boyfriend, but rather from her own past. To ensure a feminine look, Sarah will make sure to wear them, only with hosiery, feminine shoes, makeup, and proper feminine accessories (including a double-female symbol necklace); that will symbolize Sarah's comfort in turning her male past into a feminine present and future.
Previously, I wrote a scene, where Sarah, nearing her surgery, will visit a sperm bank to save her sperm, and her body acts very male in the process, throwing her identity into chaos. Sarah was supposed to wear a floral sundress for the occasion, though I later changed that to a tunic sweater. Now, I want Sarah to wear Sanford's plaid shirt. (The scene will also take place somewhat earlier, to also ensure that her sperm will not be spoiled by long-term estrogen therapy. But her body will still act very male, anyway.) She'll wear the shirt to give her male identity and past one final nod, for the occasion. But as soon as she enters her cubicle and pulls down her control-top tights, and her "big clit" pops out right under the bottommost button on the shirt for a breath of fresh air, the male identity will completely take over. Sarah will once again see the "big clit" as a penis, and note its large size that most men could only dream of and envy. Despite her long hair, makeup, and sizable boobs, she'll once again see herself as Sanford, there to do his job. As she tries hard to produce the sperm, she will also have very visually oriented, masculine fantasies as well, including things I already wrote about - Kirsten in her sexy lingerie (nonexistent in real life), and the final images of Martha.
Once the job is done, Sarah's body starts to wind down, and the semen is in the cup, that final presence of Sanford will turn into confusion. The semen will remind Sarah that she will be the father of Kirsten's future child. And as she gets dressed back up, she will continue to see herself as Sanford - only with tights instead of cargo pants. As she slips back into her boots, she'll even feel that she looks like a medieval male lumberjack, as opposed to a modern-day woman. As she leaves the sperm bank, gets into her Beetle, and continues to feel visual attraction to curvy female nurses walking by, she'll continue to wonder: "What the hell am I doing here, clad only in pantyhose and driving a chick car?" She may even go home to Kirsten and ask to break up, even telling her that she will be better off dating a "real woman" than a "delusional man" like herself. Only Kirsten's love and insistence, and reminders of Sarah's true womanhood over all those years, will knock some sense back into Sarah, though she will continue to feel shaken for the next several days.
I really need to shake up Sarah's female identity, and this will be the way to do it. The end result will be that Sarah will feel more secure about both her current and future female identity AND her male past (though the latter was certainly NOT her own choice). Sarah will continue to wear Sanford's old shirts into the future, to further signify her confidence and identity. When the child is born, I hope Sarah feels proud to be the child's father, and when the child is old enough to know that Sarah is its father as opposed to its second mother, I also hope that Sarah will be very happy to share the story.
I am thinking that when Sarah starts living as a woman, her impulse is to give away Sanford's entire wardrobe to charity. After all, the very concept of Sanford is something that Sarah would like to forget, immediately and once and for all. And those long shirts that I am thinking of are going to be quite useless anyway, as it's the mid-1990s, when tunics were on their way out and bare midriffs were coming in. But for some reason, two of those long shirts, one plaid and one denim, somehow stored separate from the rest of the wardrobe, will get overlooked, and by the time Sarah re-discovers them a few years later, she'll hold on to them, for possible use as nightshirts.
The two shirts will make poor nightshirts, but somehow they will stay in Sarah's wardrobe. She'll attempt to pair them with her bellbottoms and wide-legged trousers, but she won't like them too much. But as the years progress into the mid-2000s, and leggings, then menswear-inspired shirtdresses, come into style, Sarah will finally find good use for the shirts. They will actually be a bit too short to be proper dresses, but Sarah won't mind - as long as her derriere (barely) stays covered, anyway. She'll take pleasure in knowing that those shirts were not borrowed from a boyfriend, but rather from her own past. To ensure a feminine look, Sarah will make sure to wear them, only with hosiery, feminine shoes, makeup, and proper feminine accessories (including a double-female symbol necklace); that will symbolize Sarah's comfort in turning her male past into a feminine present and future.
Previously, I wrote a scene, where Sarah, nearing her surgery, will visit a sperm bank to save her sperm, and her body acts very male in the process, throwing her identity into chaos. Sarah was supposed to wear a floral sundress for the occasion, though I later changed that to a tunic sweater. Now, I want Sarah to wear Sanford's plaid shirt. (The scene will also take place somewhat earlier, to also ensure that her sperm will not be spoiled by long-term estrogen therapy. But her body will still act very male, anyway.) She'll wear the shirt to give her male identity and past one final nod, for the occasion. But as soon as she enters her cubicle and pulls down her control-top tights, and her "big clit" pops out right under the bottommost button on the shirt for a breath of fresh air, the male identity will completely take over. Sarah will once again see the "big clit" as a penis, and note its large size that most men could only dream of and envy. Despite her long hair, makeup, and sizable boobs, she'll once again see herself as Sanford, there to do his job. As she tries hard to produce the sperm, she will also have very visually oriented, masculine fantasies as well, including things I already wrote about - Kirsten in her sexy lingerie (nonexistent in real life), and the final images of Martha.
Once the job is done, Sarah's body starts to wind down, and the semen is in the cup, that final presence of Sanford will turn into confusion. The semen will remind Sarah that she will be the father of Kirsten's future child. And as she gets dressed back up, she will continue to see herself as Sanford - only with tights instead of cargo pants. As she slips back into her boots, she'll even feel that she looks like a medieval male lumberjack, as opposed to a modern-day woman. As she leaves the sperm bank, gets into her Beetle, and continues to feel visual attraction to curvy female nurses walking by, she'll continue to wonder: "What the hell am I doing here, clad only in pantyhose and driving a chick car?" She may even go home to Kirsten and ask to break up, even telling her that she will be better off dating a "real woman" than a "delusional man" like herself. Only Kirsten's love and insistence, and reminders of Sarah's true womanhood over all those years, will knock some sense back into Sarah, though she will continue to feel shaken for the next several days.
I really need to shake up Sarah's female identity, and this will be the way to do it. The end result will be that Sarah will feel more secure about both her current and future female identity AND her male past (though the latter was certainly NOT her own choice). Sarah will continue to wear Sanford's old shirts into the future, to further signify her confidence and identity. When the child is born, I hope Sarah feels proud to be the child's father, and when the child is old enough to know that Sarah is its father as opposed to its second mother, I also hope that Sarah will be very happy to share the story.
13 October 2008
Recap
It's been almost a month since my arrival in Seoul, and Sarah refuses to let go of my consciousness. She comes back stronger than ever, in many of the things and people I see here. Here are some photos, previously uploaded to my main blog but not at this blog, that have some significance for Sarah.
Sarah's idol, Canada-based Sarah McLachlan, is one of the more beloved foreign popular music artists here in Seoul. Here is a good selection of Sarah McLachlan CDs, locally pressed and printed, for sale.
I went to another record store later on, and found even more Sarah McLachlan CDs there, as shown above, including Closer, her new Greatest Hits collection. Locally produced CDs are very nice in that they come with full lyrics (even for Greatest Hits), full translations, and brief synopsis of the artist and each track.
A Sony-BMG flier inside the CD also said that a week from today, I can expect a Mariah Carey compilation focused on ballads, with the same features. That's something sure to remind Sarah of her wife Kirsten, who is not only mixed-race like Mariah herself, but also a huge Mariah fan. In addition, Mariah Carey is probably the most popular foreign artist in South Korea.
Another idol (and fashion icon) for Sarah (and for me) is actress Jennifer Aniston. Aniston rose to fame by playing the ditsy, sexy Rachel Green in Friends, and this cafe, seen near a very conservative Confucian university (and certainly named after the show), will be a very pleasant reminder of that for Sarah.
Another favorite actress for Sarah (and me) is Calista Flockhart, of Ally McBeal and Brothers and Sisters fame. I couldn't find any direct reminders of Flockhart, but this car may come close.
The most conventional way to spell Calista ("most beautiful" in Greek) is "Kallista," and that's the name of this particular car. The Kallista was built in 1993 by South Korea's Ssangyong, a company better known for its odd SUVs than for classy sports cars. In the early 1990s, Ssangyong owned the British specialty sports car maker Panther, and the Kallista was a Panther model assembled by Ssangyong.
As only 78 Kallistas were ever built, Sarah will not find one on the streets; she will have to head out of town and visit a huge amusement park, named Everland, an hour away; that's where I found a car museum - and this car.
Seen near Olympic Park in the southeast of Seoul on a hot weekend day: this VW New Beetle. Sarah drives this exact model and color back in San Francisco.
Young, affluent South Korean women love their New Beetles as much as Sarah loves hers.
And here's one more mention of Calista Flockhart: when the New Beetle first came out, seeing one, for some reason, would make me think of Flockhart standing in front of the car, in a matching-colored Ally McBeal miniskirt suit that is her trademark. I think this is due to the round features of Flockhart's face (much like the New Beetle itself), as well as photos of New Beetle prototypes a few years earlier which indeed were presented by skinny models in matching-colored miniskirt suits. People accused me of having a fetish!
This boutique, named First Avenue on Myeong-dong, has many lightweight, slightly sheer floral minidresses, like the one on the right (paired with a cardigan in this case). These dresses work well as dresses AND as tops, as evidenced by the fashionistas passing by. Sarah will love this look, though Kirsten will be more likely to wear it. Sarah herself prefers tunic tops as dresses - or dresses that are styled like tunic tops, like the example on the left.
Myeong-dong, in downtown Seoul, is overrun with lots of fashionistas - including many foreign ones - so Sarah will not feel out of her element there. Though she may not understand why there are so many incomprehensible political demonstrations (as none are in English, and all deal with domestic politics - except for Falun Gong from China) and so many Christian doomsday missionaries on the streets.
Sarah will probably spend some time in the royal palaces. This gift shop at the most important palace, Gyeongbokgung, offers visitors a chance to dress like a king, a queen, an officer, a concubine, or whatever.
It is a little-known but interesting fact that the fourth king of Joseon dynasty, Sejong, best remembered for his scientific achievements including the invention of the Korean script, was also known for having a lesbian daughter-in-law. If Sarah ever found out about that (through Wikipedia, most likely), she would come here, and ask to be dressed like that daughter-in-law. Historians, take note: Sejong's daughter-in-law was not only a lesbian, but she was six feet tall, red-haired, green-eyed, and transgender!
Shamanism is another area in traditional Korean culture where transgenders had a key role. This is Guksadang, the main shaman shrine, located northwest of downtown Seoul. It really smells like garbage here, due to all the rotting food outside placed for the mountain spirits to eat; indeed, birds were feeding there.
Most people who look for Guksadang are foreigners, as most Koreans are rather embarrassed to share their shaman culture. In fact, I visited Guksadang after reading an Internet article, written by a flight attendant at Delta Air Lines, which resumed its Seoul service last year. Who knows, next time I fly United Airlines, I might find an article on Seoul (and Guksadang) in the inflight magazine Hemispheres, written by none other than Sarah!
These miniature masks were seen at Insadong, the antiques district, which will feature prominently in Perfect Girl. In addition, when I play The Sims 2, where I live with my wife but Sarah also lives with us as a roommate, our house can be decorated with lots of goods, including a Korean mask; I was surely reminded of that at this display. In addition, it's possible to buy a traditional Korean dress and designate it as my "formal" outfit; I've done that for myself.
Sarah loves flight simulators and airplanes. While Sarah will never get to play with a public flight simulator during her visits to Seoul (or anywhere else), if she ever got to do so, she may have found something like this - and loved it. This is a flight simulator, powered by Sony PlayStation 3 using a generic single-engine propeller plane, that allows me to explore Seoul, circa 2030, after the current city beautification projects are all completed. It was provided by the city government as part of its beautification showcase, at Seoul Design Olympiad taking place at the Olympic Stadium until October 30th.
As I flew around the future Seoul, I constantly thought of Sarah and her love of flying. And since this generic plane actually could fly at jetliner speeds, I was even wishing that I could actually fly a jetliner instead - specifically, one of Sarah's company planes that visit Incheon Airport every day.
As I continue to take photos of interest to Sarah and her story, I will upload them here too. And brainstorming continues as well.
Sarah's idol, Canada-based Sarah McLachlan, is one of the more beloved foreign popular music artists here in Seoul. Here is a good selection of Sarah McLachlan CDs, locally pressed and printed, for sale.
I went to another record store later on, and found even more Sarah McLachlan CDs there, as shown above, including Closer, her new Greatest Hits collection. Locally produced CDs are very nice in that they come with full lyrics (even for Greatest Hits), full translations, and brief synopsis of the artist and each track.A Sony-BMG flier inside the CD also said that a week from today, I can expect a Mariah Carey compilation focused on ballads, with the same features. That's something sure to remind Sarah of her wife Kirsten, who is not only mixed-race like Mariah herself, but also a huge Mariah fan. In addition, Mariah Carey is probably the most popular foreign artist in South Korea.
Another idol (and fashion icon) for Sarah (and for me) is actress Jennifer Aniston. Aniston rose to fame by playing the ditsy, sexy Rachel Green in Friends, and this cafe, seen near a very conservative Confucian university (and certainly named after the show), will be a very pleasant reminder of that for Sarah.
Another favorite actress for Sarah (and me) is Calista Flockhart, of Ally McBeal and Brothers and Sisters fame. I couldn't find any direct reminders of Flockhart, but this car may come close.The most conventional way to spell Calista ("most beautiful" in Greek) is "Kallista," and that's the name of this particular car. The Kallista was built in 1993 by South Korea's Ssangyong, a company better known for its odd SUVs than for classy sports cars. In the early 1990s, Ssangyong owned the British specialty sports car maker Panther, and the Kallista was a Panther model assembled by Ssangyong.
As only 78 Kallistas were ever built, Sarah will not find one on the streets; she will have to head out of town and visit a huge amusement park, named Everland, an hour away; that's where I found a car museum - and this car.
Seen near Olympic Park in the southeast of Seoul on a hot weekend day: this VW New Beetle. Sarah drives this exact model and color back in San Francisco.Young, affluent South Korean women love their New Beetles as much as Sarah loves hers.
And here's one more mention of Calista Flockhart: when the New Beetle first came out, seeing one, for some reason, would make me think of Flockhart standing in front of the car, in a matching-colored Ally McBeal miniskirt suit that is her trademark. I think this is due to the round features of Flockhart's face (much like the New Beetle itself), as well as photos of New Beetle prototypes a few years earlier which indeed were presented by skinny models in matching-colored miniskirt suits. People accused me of having a fetish!
This boutique, named First Avenue on Myeong-dong, has many lightweight, slightly sheer floral minidresses, like the one on the right (paired with a cardigan in this case). These dresses work well as dresses AND as tops, as evidenced by the fashionistas passing by. Sarah will love this look, though Kirsten will be more likely to wear it. Sarah herself prefers tunic tops as dresses - or dresses that are styled like tunic tops, like the example on the left.Myeong-dong, in downtown Seoul, is overrun with lots of fashionistas - including many foreign ones - so Sarah will not feel out of her element there. Though she may not understand why there are so many incomprehensible political demonstrations (as none are in English, and all deal with domestic politics - except for Falun Gong from China) and so many Christian doomsday missionaries on the streets.
Sarah will probably spend some time in the royal palaces. This gift shop at the most important palace, Gyeongbokgung, offers visitors a chance to dress like a king, a queen, an officer, a concubine, or whatever.It is a little-known but interesting fact that the fourth king of Joseon dynasty, Sejong, best remembered for his scientific achievements including the invention of the Korean script, was also known for having a lesbian daughter-in-law. If Sarah ever found out about that (through Wikipedia, most likely), she would come here, and ask to be dressed like that daughter-in-law. Historians, take note: Sejong's daughter-in-law was not only a lesbian, but she was six feet tall, red-haired, green-eyed, and transgender!
Shamanism is another area in traditional Korean culture where transgenders had a key role. This is Guksadang, the main shaman shrine, located northwest of downtown Seoul. It really smells like garbage here, due to all the rotting food outside placed for the mountain spirits to eat; indeed, birds were feeding there.Most people who look for Guksadang are foreigners, as most Koreans are rather embarrassed to share their shaman culture. In fact, I visited Guksadang after reading an Internet article, written by a flight attendant at Delta Air Lines, which resumed its Seoul service last year. Who knows, next time I fly United Airlines, I might find an article on Seoul (and Guksadang) in the inflight magazine Hemispheres, written by none other than Sarah!
These miniature masks were seen at Insadong, the antiques district, which will feature prominently in Perfect Girl. In addition, when I play The Sims 2, where I live with my wife but Sarah also lives with us as a roommate, our house can be decorated with lots of goods, including a Korean mask; I was surely reminded of that at this display. In addition, it's possible to buy a traditional Korean dress and designate it as my "formal" outfit; I've done that for myself.
Sarah loves flight simulators and airplanes. While Sarah will never get to play with a public flight simulator during her visits to Seoul (or anywhere else), if she ever got to do so, she may have found something like this - and loved it. This is a flight simulator, powered by Sony PlayStation 3 using a generic single-engine propeller plane, that allows me to explore Seoul, circa 2030, after the current city beautification projects are all completed. It was provided by the city government as part of its beautification showcase, at Seoul Design Olympiad taking place at the Olympic Stadium until October 30th.As I flew around the future Seoul, I constantly thought of Sarah and her love of flying. And since this generic plane actually could fly at jetliner speeds, I was even wishing that I could actually fly a jetliner instead - specifically, one of Sarah's company planes that visit Incheon Airport every day.
As I continue to take photos of interest to Sarah and her story, I will upload them here too. And brainstorming continues as well.
12 October 2008
Restrooms and fashion
As I continue to travel all over Seoul and elsewhere in South Korea, one thing I notice is the presence of squat toilets. And they remind me of a number of things, some of them relevant to Sarah. (I actually thought of all this while responding to a comment on Christy's Art Blog.)
Before the advent of modern plumbing, all toilets in Korea were no more than a pit with a holed wooden cover. The wood could be rotten, so occasionally the cover collapsed, and whoever was answering the call of nature above would've fallen into the pool of crap below. The crap would've been carried away periodically by slaves on back carriers, but aside from that, no other maintenance was ever present. Extremely unsanitary and smelly.
Fortunately, those days are gone, and all toilets today flush, and while most toilets are of the sit-down type, some still require squatting. Sarah will need adjusting to these toilets, as her assignments send her to various locales not only in Asia, but also in Europe, where some squat toilets may be present as well.
The squat toilet has a flap toward its front, so that the user's privacy and dignity would be protected - especially important in places like China, where neighborhood communal toilets have no partitions! Fortunately, here in South Korea, all partitions are very good, so even an accidental glimpse of a neighbor's privates will not be possible; this is a good thing, because male peeping toms are a major problem in women's toilets here (thank the rather conservative, oppressive sex culture here). In fact, all digital cameras sold in South Korea are required to make a clicking sound when taking a photo, to prevent peeping toms. At least Sarah will be able to answer the call of nature in relative peace, with little fear of anyone finding out about her "big clit."
Squatting does require spreading one's legs apart, however, and Sarah's cheaper hosiery from the US may not be able to survive. This may explain why South Korean hosiery/legwear, while being even cheaper, is of such great quality (I know it, I've bought excellent South Korean hosiery from US based vendors, though at inflated American prices); excellent elasticity is a must in order to survive the squat toilets. It's possible to buy a pair of the best tights of one's life, for a mere 3,000 won (USD $3), all over Seoul. Most Seoul fashionistas buy many pairs, then wear the ones that fit their current moods the best. For many women, the main means of expressing one's individuality is through hosiery choices. Tights are normal footed, stirrup cutouts (extremely popular), or footless (leggings) of various lengths; socks of various lengths are also available. All of them come in solids, textures, patterns, and lots of colors.
Sarah's very tall height and fairly large frame, unusual here, will mean that she will have to limit herself to the longest leggings possible; even then, they'll probably become capris once she wears them. Nevertheless, she'll be very ecstatic to have them, for their durability and elasticity as well as unbelievably low price; I think she'll pick up the entire color spectrum.
Another practical consideration for squat toilets is ensuring that one's clothes do not drag on the floor (or even worse, the toilet itself) while squatting. This will rule out floor-grazing skirts. In fact, in conjunction with hosiery, many women sport Ally McBeal miniskirts or minidresses, which are least likely to drag on the floor, and the easiest to roll up. Some go a step further, omit a bottom piece altogether, and protect their dignity with only a tunic top long enough to barely hit the upper thigh. Back in the 1960s, here in Seoul (under a military dictatorship at the time), the police carried around rulers, so that they could measure women's hemlines and cite them for too-short skirts; that's no longer the case. In fact, often I find myself avoiding looking ahead/up on up staircases when leaving the subway or elsewhere, since if I do look up, I am guaranteed to be flashed by someone.
Menswear-inspired button-down tunic shirts work especially well with hosiery, as they have a subliminal message that says "I've just gotten out of my boyfriend's bed, and I borrowed his shirt for today." It's a bit of a shocking statement in this traditionally conservative society - all the more reason why it's so popular. Despite being hopeless lesbians, both Sarah and I love that look (especially the combination of a white shirt and black tights), and I am known to wear it often back home. For Sarah, however, she'll have to limit her tunic shirt shopping to stateside; again, due to her unusual height and size, she will have hard time finding something here that fits, unless she wants to flash the entire city. In fact, she may keep a few of Sanford's old shirts for this purpose, for a different take on a "borrowed" men's shirt.
Before the advent of modern plumbing, all toilets in Korea were no more than a pit with a holed wooden cover. The wood could be rotten, so occasionally the cover collapsed, and whoever was answering the call of nature above would've fallen into the pool of crap below. The crap would've been carried away periodically by slaves on back carriers, but aside from that, no other maintenance was ever present. Extremely unsanitary and smelly.
Fortunately, those days are gone, and all toilets today flush, and while most toilets are of the sit-down type, some still require squatting. Sarah will need adjusting to these toilets, as her assignments send her to various locales not only in Asia, but also in Europe, where some squat toilets may be present as well.
The squat toilet has a flap toward its front, so that the user's privacy and dignity would be protected - especially important in places like China, where neighborhood communal toilets have no partitions! Fortunately, here in South Korea, all partitions are very good, so even an accidental glimpse of a neighbor's privates will not be possible; this is a good thing, because male peeping toms are a major problem in women's toilets here (thank the rather conservative, oppressive sex culture here). In fact, all digital cameras sold in South Korea are required to make a clicking sound when taking a photo, to prevent peeping toms. At least Sarah will be able to answer the call of nature in relative peace, with little fear of anyone finding out about her "big clit."
Squatting does require spreading one's legs apart, however, and Sarah's cheaper hosiery from the US may not be able to survive. This may explain why South Korean hosiery/legwear, while being even cheaper, is of such great quality (I know it, I've bought excellent South Korean hosiery from US based vendors, though at inflated American prices); excellent elasticity is a must in order to survive the squat toilets. It's possible to buy a pair of the best tights of one's life, for a mere 3,000 won (USD $3), all over Seoul. Most Seoul fashionistas buy many pairs, then wear the ones that fit their current moods the best. For many women, the main means of expressing one's individuality is through hosiery choices. Tights are normal footed, stirrup cutouts (extremely popular), or footless (leggings) of various lengths; socks of various lengths are also available. All of them come in solids, textures, patterns, and lots of colors.
Sarah's very tall height and fairly large frame, unusual here, will mean that she will have to limit herself to the longest leggings possible; even then, they'll probably become capris once she wears them. Nevertheless, she'll be very ecstatic to have them, for their durability and elasticity as well as unbelievably low price; I think she'll pick up the entire color spectrum.
Another practical consideration for squat toilets is ensuring that one's clothes do not drag on the floor (or even worse, the toilet itself) while squatting. This will rule out floor-grazing skirts. In fact, in conjunction with hosiery, many women sport Ally McBeal miniskirts or minidresses, which are least likely to drag on the floor, and the easiest to roll up. Some go a step further, omit a bottom piece altogether, and protect their dignity with only a tunic top long enough to barely hit the upper thigh. Back in the 1960s, here in Seoul (under a military dictatorship at the time), the police carried around rulers, so that they could measure women's hemlines and cite them for too-short skirts; that's no longer the case. In fact, often I find myself avoiding looking ahead/up on up staircases when leaving the subway or elsewhere, since if I do look up, I am guaranteed to be flashed by someone.
Menswear-inspired button-down tunic shirts work especially well with hosiery, as they have a subliminal message that says "I've just gotten out of my boyfriend's bed, and I borrowed his shirt for today." It's a bit of a shocking statement in this traditionally conservative society - all the more reason why it's so popular. Despite being hopeless lesbians, both Sarah and I love that look (especially the combination of a white shirt and black tights), and I am known to wear it often back home. For Sarah, however, she'll have to limit her tunic shirt shopping to stateside; again, due to her unusual height and size, she will have hard time finding something here that fits, unless she wants to flash the entire city. In fact, she may keep a few of Sanford's old shirts for this purpose, for a different take on a "borrowed" men's shirt.
07 October 2008
Sarah, the not-so-perfect girl
I remember a lesson from one of my past writing classes that my characters are going to be pretty boring if they are picture perfect. To that end, I gave Sarah some scars on her left scalp, dating back from a physical assault in a high school locker room.
Now, I am gonna have to give Sarah one more scar before the story ends.
Sarah's male bits are pretty large, that much I've always known. That will cause her lots of grief early on, but by the time she improves her self-image and starts seeing her male bits as raw material for her future womanhood, the rather large "big clit" will actually be a source of pride. But even then, it will not be enough to form a naturally deep enough vagina, once the surgery is under way. A common procedure is to take skin grafts from the patient's buttocks and use that as extra material to form the interior of the vagina. However, this will result in an extra scar on Sarah's derriere, though it won't really be visible unless Sarah is naked.
In my previous post, I was discussing Kirsten's hobby as an amateur photographer, and her favorite subject being Sarah in the nude in a beautiful natural setting. This will mean that the final, post-operative batch of Sarah's photos will show an extra scar on Sarah's derriere. While this makes Sarah less of a perfect girl physically, it will also make her that much more authentic.
In addition, I've struggled for a long time to figure out whether Sarah's "big clit" would've been previously circumcized. Now, I have an answer: circumcision shortly after birth. This is important, because it further reduces the available raw material for Sarah's vagina, and will require bigger skin grafts (and result in a bigger scar). It will also make it that much more of a challenge for the pre-operative Sarah to love her body and her "big clit," since its use, in relation to its embarrassing size, will be more limited.
Now, I am gonna have to give Sarah one more scar before the story ends.
Sarah's male bits are pretty large, that much I've always known. That will cause her lots of grief early on, but by the time she improves her self-image and starts seeing her male bits as raw material for her future womanhood, the rather large "big clit" will actually be a source of pride. But even then, it will not be enough to form a naturally deep enough vagina, once the surgery is under way. A common procedure is to take skin grafts from the patient's buttocks and use that as extra material to form the interior of the vagina. However, this will result in an extra scar on Sarah's derriere, though it won't really be visible unless Sarah is naked.
In my previous post, I was discussing Kirsten's hobby as an amateur photographer, and her favorite subject being Sarah in the nude in a beautiful natural setting. This will mean that the final, post-operative batch of Sarah's photos will show an extra scar on Sarah's derriere. While this makes Sarah less of a perfect girl physically, it will also make her that much more authentic.
In addition, I've struggled for a long time to figure out whether Sarah's "big clit" would've been previously circumcized. Now, I have an answer: circumcision shortly after birth. This is important, because it further reduces the available raw material for Sarah's vagina, and will require bigger skin grafts (and result in a bigger scar). It will also make it that much more of a challenge for the pre-operative Sarah to love her body and her "big clit," since its use, in relation to its embarrassing size, will be more limited.
05 October 2008
More on Sarah's body image
My previous post, dealing with Sarah's sexuality and body image, led me to another thought.
There are some people out there who take photos of even the most mundane everyday objects, and turn that into an art form. A friend that I met on the Internet (and later visited in person), DiAnne Grieser based in Seattle, is one such person. Normally, I am not; I never carry my camera around my hometown. But inspired by DiAnne, I am taking photos of even the littlest things during my current stay in Seoul; my main blog is showcasing hundreds of them now, and that can only increase as I continue my meditation and sightseeing.
This may be a trait that I need to transfer to my alter ego, Kirsten. By making Kirsten an avid amateur photographer, I could create a conversation piece, something that will get Sarah hooked. (Honestly, as much as Sarah loves Kirsten's fashion sense, that alone won't lead to anything.)
Once the relationship takes off, and becomes intimate, Kirsten could take artistic photos of Sarah, some of them in the nude. The first photos will start as Sarah, with some feminine development, starts to gain enough self-confidence to start posing nude for Kirsten. The progressive batches of photos will show Sarah's increasingly feminine silhouette. And while Sarah will do everything to ensure that her male bits don't get included at first, she won't mind later on; in fact, some of the later photos will purposely show the male bits, to document that Sarah, despite her beauty, is a work-in-progress. The final batch will show a complete woman - instead of male bits, Sarah will have completely feminine anatomy, though surgical scars may be evident, as well as other body scars from Sarah's high school-era physical abuses.
The setting will probably be outdoors, in a beautiful flower field. After all, Sarah's longstanding fantasy, dating back to her first wet dream, is to walk around a flower field naked. It will be up to Kirsten to find the proper species/mix of flowers and colors that will match Sarah's hair and skin tones well. After all, this is all about art, not erotica.
A possible format for the narration of the story is for Sarah to hold a photo album in her hands, showcasing these various flower field nudes of herself, and talking about her physical (and mental and spiritual) development as they relate to each batch of photos.
There are some people out there who take photos of even the most mundane everyday objects, and turn that into an art form. A friend that I met on the Internet (and later visited in person), DiAnne Grieser based in Seattle, is one such person. Normally, I am not; I never carry my camera around my hometown. But inspired by DiAnne, I am taking photos of even the littlest things during my current stay in Seoul; my main blog is showcasing hundreds of them now, and that can only increase as I continue my meditation and sightseeing.
This may be a trait that I need to transfer to my alter ego, Kirsten. By making Kirsten an avid amateur photographer, I could create a conversation piece, something that will get Sarah hooked. (Honestly, as much as Sarah loves Kirsten's fashion sense, that alone won't lead to anything.)
Once the relationship takes off, and becomes intimate, Kirsten could take artistic photos of Sarah, some of them in the nude. The first photos will start as Sarah, with some feminine development, starts to gain enough self-confidence to start posing nude for Kirsten. The progressive batches of photos will show Sarah's increasingly feminine silhouette. And while Sarah will do everything to ensure that her male bits don't get included at first, she won't mind later on; in fact, some of the later photos will purposely show the male bits, to document that Sarah, despite her beauty, is a work-in-progress. The final batch will show a complete woman - instead of male bits, Sarah will have completely feminine anatomy, though surgical scars may be evident, as well as other body scars from Sarah's high school-era physical abuses.
The setting will probably be outdoors, in a beautiful flower field. After all, Sarah's longstanding fantasy, dating back to her first wet dream, is to walk around a flower field naked. It will be up to Kirsten to find the proper species/mix of flowers and colors that will match Sarah's hair and skin tones well. After all, this is all about art, not erotica.
A possible format for the narration of the story is for Sarah to hold a photo album in her hands, showcasing these various flower field nudes of herself, and talking about her physical (and mental and spiritual) development as they relate to each batch of photos.
03 October 2008
Sarah's sexuality and body image
For some reasons, strange images of Sarah and Kirsten have been going through my head for the past week or so, especially in regards to their body images and sexuality.
Sarah's first love was a fellow transwoman and a coworker, named Martha. Martha tried to get Sarah to make love, but Sarah's hatred of her (and Martha's) still-male body made her refuse the one and only opportunity. Shortly afterwards, Martha was murdered in New York, leaving Sarah with years and years of torment and regret, over a love that never was properly expressed.
Kirsten will later come to the rescue. Kirsten, though my alter ego, is a genetic female, and is confident of her body image and sexuality. When Kirsten first undresses, this will give Sarah, still a virgin, her first good look at female genitalia. Sarah will love the smell, the moisture, and the softness of Kirsten's lips and clitoris, and will gladly sink her tongue into the vagina. Of course, Sarah will be aroused at that point, and Kirsten, feeling that, will start tickling, then exposing, Sarah's male bits. Even though Kirsten is as hardcore as any lesbian comes, she wouldn't mind playing with male genitalia - as long as it's attached to a lesbian, anyway. Kirsten will surprise herself at her willingness to play with Sarah's male bits, and Sarah will play along, hesitantly at first but eventually confidently. I often picture the two making love, lying upside-down in relationship to each other, with the mouths at each other's genitals. I even dream about it, shifting between the points of view of the two.
As Sarah's self-confidence grows, and she learns to love her male bits (considering her penis to be what it ought to be - just an oversized, less sensitive clitoris), the lovemaking will get only better. I later envision the two as lying right-side-up in relation to each other, and hugging each other, pressing their breasts together and kissing, for a more cozy moment. It may be possible for Sarah to slip her "big clit" into Kirsten and penetrate her at that point; I don't know if I want to make her do that.
As for protection, the oral encounters will probably use none. But if Sarah decides to penetrate Kirsten, protection will be necessary, if only to prevent unwanted pregnancy. The thought of using a condom may be too repulsive though, because it is a reminder that yes, that "big clit" is still a penis. And I don't know how Kirsten will react as Sarah ejaculates into her mouth.
As the hormones continue to work on Sarah, lovemaking will become more difficult, and even painful, as male tissues start to atrophy. At some suitable point, I will need to send Sarah to the sperm bank, to preserve her sperm for a future child, before it's too late. However, at that point, I will compensate by having Sarah and Kirsten enjoy non-sexual nudity, probably in the context of a friendly women-only retreat or an accepting nudist beach. Sarah will, by that point, be hopefully confident enough that she will love being naked in front of others - even with her male bits still on her. By then, she'll take great pride in her male bits, as they are the true raw material for forming her new female genitals. Her physical femaleness in the future will owe a lot to her male past, literally.
As the storyline wraps up and Sarah finally gets the female anatomy she has wanted so much, the couple will be just like any other lesbian couple. Actually, it's a crapshoot when it comes to having sexual sensations after the gender reassignment, and I will have Sarah fear the possible permanent loss of her sexuality, as her surgery nears. But in the end, Sarah will have good sensations in her new vagina and her smaller, more sensitive clitoris. She'll be a very sexually happy woman, her inability to experience multiple orgasms being the only "minus."
I don't expect the two to have any other notable tastes in their sexuality. In fact, Kirsten won't even have sexy lingerie; all her underwear will be nonsense cotton. Sarah probably likes going commando, however, though initially she will need control-top hosiery to keep her "big clit" well tucked away. Wearing a mini or a long tunic over the hosiery will give Sarah some of that lovely "open-air" feeling while still protecting her modesty and keeping her pre-op status concealed. Of course, post-op, Sarah will be able to go truly commando, and not have to worry about untimely erections anymore.
Much of this was done based on my own sexuality, my preferences, and my hopes for the future as I try to get a more feminine silhouette of my own.
I guess it's time to start writing a few sex scenes, though all the sightseeing, photo organizing, and blogging are taking a toll.
Sarah's first love was a fellow transwoman and a coworker, named Martha. Martha tried to get Sarah to make love, but Sarah's hatred of her (and Martha's) still-male body made her refuse the one and only opportunity. Shortly afterwards, Martha was murdered in New York, leaving Sarah with years and years of torment and regret, over a love that never was properly expressed.
Kirsten will later come to the rescue. Kirsten, though my alter ego, is a genetic female, and is confident of her body image and sexuality. When Kirsten first undresses, this will give Sarah, still a virgin, her first good look at female genitalia. Sarah will love the smell, the moisture, and the softness of Kirsten's lips and clitoris, and will gladly sink her tongue into the vagina. Of course, Sarah will be aroused at that point, and Kirsten, feeling that, will start tickling, then exposing, Sarah's male bits. Even though Kirsten is as hardcore as any lesbian comes, she wouldn't mind playing with male genitalia - as long as it's attached to a lesbian, anyway. Kirsten will surprise herself at her willingness to play with Sarah's male bits, and Sarah will play along, hesitantly at first but eventually confidently. I often picture the two making love, lying upside-down in relationship to each other, with the mouths at each other's genitals. I even dream about it, shifting between the points of view of the two.
As Sarah's self-confidence grows, and she learns to love her male bits (considering her penis to be what it ought to be - just an oversized, less sensitive clitoris), the lovemaking will get only better. I later envision the two as lying right-side-up in relation to each other, and hugging each other, pressing their breasts together and kissing, for a more cozy moment. It may be possible for Sarah to slip her "big clit" into Kirsten and penetrate her at that point; I don't know if I want to make her do that.
As for protection, the oral encounters will probably use none. But if Sarah decides to penetrate Kirsten, protection will be necessary, if only to prevent unwanted pregnancy. The thought of using a condom may be too repulsive though, because it is a reminder that yes, that "big clit" is still a penis. And I don't know how Kirsten will react as Sarah ejaculates into her mouth.
As the hormones continue to work on Sarah, lovemaking will become more difficult, and even painful, as male tissues start to atrophy. At some suitable point, I will need to send Sarah to the sperm bank, to preserve her sperm for a future child, before it's too late. However, at that point, I will compensate by having Sarah and Kirsten enjoy non-sexual nudity, probably in the context of a friendly women-only retreat or an accepting nudist beach. Sarah will, by that point, be hopefully confident enough that she will love being naked in front of others - even with her male bits still on her. By then, she'll take great pride in her male bits, as they are the true raw material for forming her new female genitals. Her physical femaleness in the future will owe a lot to her male past, literally.
As the storyline wraps up and Sarah finally gets the female anatomy she has wanted so much, the couple will be just like any other lesbian couple. Actually, it's a crapshoot when it comes to having sexual sensations after the gender reassignment, and I will have Sarah fear the possible permanent loss of her sexuality, as her surgery nears. But in the end, Sarah will have good sensations in her new vagina and her smaller, more sensitive clitoris. She'll be a very sexually happy woman, her inability to experience multiple orgasms being the only "minus."
I don't expect the two to have any other notable tastes in their sexuality. In fact, Kirsten won't even have sexy lingerie; all her underwear will be nonsense cotton. Sarah probably likes going commando, however, though initially she will need control-top hosiery to keep her "big clit" well tucked away. Wearing a mini or a long tunic over the hosiery will give Sarah some of that lovely "open-air" feeling while still protecting her modesty and keeping her pre-op status concealed. Of course, post-op, Sarah will be able to go truly commando, and not have to worry about untimely erections anymore.
Much of this was done based on my own sexuality, my preferences, and my hopes for the future as I try to get a more feminine silhouette of my own.
I guess it's time to start writing a few sex scenes, though all the sightseeing, photo organizing, and blogging are taking a toll.
02 October 2008
Busan
I have returned from a two-night trip to Busan, 260 miles away from Seoul in the far southeast of the Korean peninsula, the No. 2 city in South Korea, and the nation's premier port. It has a very international flavor due to its proximity to Japan (and to a lesser degree, the Russian Far East).
Sarah will probably never visit Busan, as it's not on the United route map (though United does offer codeshare service to Busan from Seoul on Asiana, and competitor Northwest does fly to Busan), and it's not a must-see city. But a few Sarah-related items popped up anyway.
Busan holds PIFF (Pusan International Film Festival), now in its 13th year. Here's a Japanese entry, named Happy Flight. Although the poster is in Japanese and I couldn't quite understand it, it appears to be about flight crews at Japan's All Nippon Airways (ANA), something Sarah will love to watch. ANA has partnerships with both United and Asiana, by the way.
The trendy district of Seomyeon, in the center of Busan, feels much like the collegiate districts of Seoul as featured in my last post. Here in Seomyeon, just about every building has a cosmetic surgeon, something that will shock Sarah. In South Korea, it is safe to assume that just about every woman has had cosmetic surgery, because a job applicant normally must attach her personal photo on her resume/job application, and because being unattractive will mean denied job and marriage opportunities (and even more).
Additionally, it is common expectation that a job applicant put down her national ID number, age, sex, birthday, marital status, and number of children on her resume. In this rigid Confucian society with well-defined social roles, one's age, gender, and marital status are important qualifications for a job. (For example, a typical part time help wanted ad at a retail store will ask for a single female between ages of 22 and 28.)
Sarah will be relieved to know that she hails from a country where a transgender woman like herself, complete with quite masculine facial features, can still get a job - not just any job, but a glamorous flight attendant position at one of the leading international airlines.
I also visited a Buddhist temple - Beomeosa, in the far north of Busan, and one of the finer Buddhist temples in the nation. Here's Gwaneumjeon, or Hall of Kwan Yin, dedicated to the transgender Goddess of Mercy. That's the golden statue of Kwan Yin inside. On the interior walls are thousands of little lighted Kwan Yins. I couldn't get closer, out of respect for the dozen or so people praying inside.
As I left my hotel this morning to start my return trip to Seoul, I got a glimpse of a very tall foreign tourist, sporting reddish brown hair, and dressed in a lime green sweater minidress. Although Sarah's hair is auburn red, and not as skinny as this tourist, she still reminded me of Sarah. This woman's minidress was of a crochet design, with a pattern of a few dozen holes; she was keeping her modesty with matching-colored underwear. This may be something that I might put Sarah in...
If and when United starts to send its own planes to Busan, I will make sure Sarah serves the route.
Sarah will probably never visit Busan, as it's not on the United route map (though United does offer codeshare service to Busan from Seoul on Asiana, and competitor Northwest does fly to Busan), and it's not a must-see city. But a few Sarah-related items popped up anyway.
Busan holds PIFF (Pusan International Film Festival), now in its 13th year. Here's a Japanese entry, named Happy Flight. Although the poster is in Japanese and I couldn't quite understand it, it appears to be about flight crews at Japan's All Nippon Airways (ANA), something Sarah will love to watch. ANA has partnerships with both United and Asiana, by the way.
The trendy district of Seomyeon, in the center of Busan, feels much like the collegiate districts of Seoul as featured in my last post. Here in Seomyeon, just about every building has a cosmetic surgeon, something that will shock Sarah. In South Korea, it is safe to assume that just about every woman has had cosmetic surgery, because a job applicant normally must attach her personal photo on her resume/job application, and because being unattractive will mean denied job and marriage opportunities (and even more).Additionally, it is common expectation that a job applicant put down her national ID number, age, sex, birthday, marital status, and number of children on her resume. In this rigid Confucian society with well-defined social roles, one's age, gender, and marital status are important qualifications for a job. (For example, a typical part time help wanted ad at a retail store will ask for a single female between ages of 22 and 28.)
Sarah will be relieved to know that she hails from a country where a transgender woman like herself, complete with quite masculine facial features, can still get a job - not just any job, but a glamorous flight attendant position at one of the leading international airlines.
I also visited a Buddhist temple - Beomeosa, in the far north of Busan, and one of the finer Buddhist temples in the nation. Here's Gwaneumjeon, or Hall of Kwan Yin, dedicated to the transgender Goddess of Mercy. That's the golden statue of Kwan Yin inside. On the interior walls are thousands of little lighted Kwan Yins. I couldn't get closer, out of respect for the dozen or so people praying inside.As I left my hotel this morning to start my return trip to Seoul, I got a glimpse of a very tall foreign tourist, sporting reddish brown hair, and dressed in a lime green sweater minidress. Although Sarah's hair is auburn red, and not as skinny as this tourist, she still reminded me of Sarah. This woman's minidress was of a crochet design, with a pattern of a few dozen holes; she was keeping her modesty with matching-colored underwear. This may be something that I might put Sarah in...
If and when United starts to send its own planes to Busan, I will make sure Sarah serves the route.
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