03 October 2008

Sarah's sexuality and body image

For some reasons, strange images of Sarah and Kirsten have been going through my head for the past week or so, especially in regards to their body images and sexuality.

Sarah's first love was a fellow transwoman and a coworker, named Martha. Martha tried to get Sarah to make love, but Sarah's hatred of her (and Martha's) still-male body made her refuse the one and only opportunity. Shortly afterwards, Martha was murdered in New York, leaving Sarah with years and years of torment and regret, over a love that never was properly expressed.

Kirsten will later come to the rescue. Kirsten, though my alter ego, is a genetic female, and is confident of her body image and sexuality. When Kirsten first undresses, this will give Sarah, still a virgin, her first good look at female genitalia. Sarah will love the smell, the moisture, and the softness of Kirsten's lips and clitoris, and will gladly sink her tongue into the vagina. Of course, Sarah will be aroused at that point, and Kirsten, feeling that, will start tickling, then exposing, Sarah's male bits. Even though Kirsten is as hardcore as any lesbian comes, she wouldn't mind playing with male genitalia - as long as it's attached to a lesbian, anyway. Kirsten will surprise herself at her willingness to play with Sarah's male bits, and Sarah will play along, hesitantly at first but eventually confidently. I often picture the two making love, lying upside-down in relationship to each other, with the mouths at each other's genitals. I even dream about it, shifting between the points of view of the two.

As Sarah's self-confidence grows, and she learns to love her male bits (considering her penis to be what it ought to be - just an oversized, less sensitive clitoris), the lovemaking will get only better. I later envision the two as lying right-side-up in relation to each other, and hugging each other, pressing their breasts together and kissing, for a more cozy moment. It may be possible for Sarah to slip her "big clit" into Kirsten and penetrate her at that point; I don't know if I want to make her do that.

As for protection, the oral encounters will probably use none. But if Sarah decides to penetrate Kirsten, protection will be necessary, if only to prevent unwanted pregnancy. The thought of using a condom may be too repulsive though, because it is a reminder that yes, that "big clit" is still a penis. And I don't know how Kirsten will react as Sarah ejaculates into her mouth.

As the hormones continue to work on Sarah, lovemaking will become more difficult, and even painful, as male tissues start to atrophy. At some suitable point, I will need to send Sarah to the sperm bank, to preserve her sperm for a future child, before it's too late. However, at that point, I will compensate by having Sarah and Kirsten enjoy non-sexual nudity, probably in the context of a friendly women-only retreat or an accepting nudist beach. Sarah will, by that point, be hopefully confident enough that she will love being naked in front of others - even with her male bits still on her. By then, she'll take great pride in her male bits, as they are the true raw material for forming her new female genitals. Her physical femaleness in the future will owe a lot to her male past, literally.

As the storyline wraps up and Sarah finally gets the female anatomy she has wanted so much, the couple will be just like any other lesbian couple. Actually, it's a crapshoot when it comes to having sexual sensations after the gender reassignment, and I will have Sarah fear the possible permanent loss of her sexuality, as her surgery nears. But in the end, Sarah will have good sensations in her new vagina and her smaller, more sensitive clitoris. She'll be a very sexually happy woman, her inability to experience multiple orgasms being the only "minus."

I don't expect the two to have any other notable tastes in their sexuality. In fact, Kirsten won't even have sexy lingerie; all her underwear will be nonsense cotton. Sarah probably likes going commando, however, though initially she will need control-top hosiery to keep her "big clit" well tucked away. Wearing a mini or a long tunic over the hosiery will give Sarah some of that lovely "open-air" feeling while still protecting her modesty and keeping her pre-op status concealed. Of course, post-op, Sarah will be able to go truly commando, and not have to worry about untimely erections anymore.

Much of this was done based on my own sexuality, my preferences, and my hopes for the future as I try to get a more feminine silhouette of my own.

I guess it's time to start writing a few sex scenes, though all the sightseeing, photo organizing, and blogging are taking a toll.

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