In a post just over a month ago, I described a newfound transgender community I had found - one gathered by Helen Boyd, the wife of a crossdresser, and an author. I lurked for a few days, and seeing that it looked somewhat civilized, became a registered member.
But as it turns out, it turned out to be no better than all the previous transgender communities I had joined and left. The members, mostly of the older, "secondary" types, still have their male socializations and mentalities. I could smell the patriarchy, judgment, intolerance, and conservatism right in the virtual air.
When I first joined, I was lectured by a long-standing member of the community about why my nickname was inappropriate for the forum, dismissing me as someone looking for cheap sexual thrills and nothing more. Never mind that it was a comprehensive community with room for such individuals, even if I was one of them. Fortunately, a few sympathetic members came to my defense. However, when I recently joined a discussion and rightfully stated that the Christian patriarchy is the source of problems for the trans community at large, the Christians revolted, with their victim mentality in full swing. Somehow they managed to "ban" me by having all my posts now forced to go to moderators, and now even innocent posts are not getting through, period.
I was already sick of the "man enough to be a woman" game played in my previous transgender communities, as well as the older secondaries' "you are too young to be serious" attitudes. And I've been especially dumbfounded and disgusted by the conservatism in the transwomen communities; I learned some of the most hideous right-wing ideas ever conceived, such as the notion that healthcare is NOT a right, and the call for a 23% national sales tax to replace the income tax system, from transgender "women." Speaking of the "real women" mentality, women in general just don't play games like this - men do.
I'm leaving the community, and will not join any online (or real life) transgender support groups ever again. I am getting adequate support from the lesbian and straight world now.
What does this mean for Sarah? People have already noticed that I made Sarah stay away from the transgender communities, and made Martha, the first girlfriend who dies on 9/11, pretty much Sarah's only link to them. They have already noticed that Sarah is not familiar with the terminology of the transgender community ("tranny," "transition," etc.) for some reason; they wonder what keeps her away. (And of course, there is Sarah's repulsion when she sees Martha's male bits.) Now I need to come up with a very early event in Sarah's transition into womanhood which leaves her with a negative image of the transgender community for good, combined with a welcoming environment elsewhere - at work, at the Unitarian church, with lesbians, with straights. And Sarah's frustrations, such as calling a Christian conservative transwoman from Bakersfield a "faggot," would make more sense now. After all, I would do the same thing.
I have made Sarah despise the transgender community, based on my past experiences. And my current experiences have only confirmed my direction. Sarah will find her joy and support from lesbians and straights; she will fall in love with, and make love to, Kirsten, and build strong friendships both at her flight attendant position and at later jobs.
29 November 2005
23 November 2005
Another Perfect Girl photo from Seoul
This one isn't from my latest trip, it's from June 2004, when I took another trip to Seoul - on Sarah's airline.
This United Airlines 777 is ready to fly me back to San Francisco (Sarah's home base), operating as United 892 and Asiana 6614. Most flight attendants, including the purser, were old; the purser, in fact, was almost geriatric. (United doesn't have maximum age for flight attendants.) I also had two Korean-speaking flight attendants on this flight, who became the basis for Sarah's coworker Julie.
United has four different types of 777s. This one is an XP, a long-range 3-class model with crew rest area below the main deck, primarily doing Asian duty. The Seoul route is Sarah's first exposure to the XP model; Sarah would've worked 747s on her previous Asian stints. United's other 777 models are the XC, a long-range 3-class model without the crew rest area, primarily doing Europe; the XI, a short-range model otherwise identical to the XC, also for Europe; and the short-range 2-class domestic model.
This United Airlines 777 is ready to fly me back to San Francisco (Sarah's home base), operating as United 892 and Asiana 6614. Most flight attendants, including the purser, were old; the purser, in fact, was almost geriatric. (United doesn't have maximum age for flight attendants.) I also had two Korean-speaking flight attendants on this flight, who became the basis for Sarah's coworker Julie.United has four different types of 777s. This one is an XP, a long-range 3-class model with crew rest area below the main deck, primarily doing Asian duty. The Seoul route is Sarah's first exposure to the XP model; Sarah would've worked 747s on her previous Asian stints. United's other 777 models are the XC, a long-range 3-class model without the crew rest area, primarily doing Europe; the XI, a short-range model otherwise identical to the XC, also for Europe; and the short-range 2-class domestic model.
20 November 2005
Back home in the USA
I have returned to Los Angeles, and set the time back to Pacific Standard Time.
19 November 2005
Perfect Girl in Seoul - in pictures
Given Sarah's grandfather Warren's service in the Korean War, Sarah's own work on United Airlines' service to Seoul, and Sarah's half-Korean girlfriend Kirsten, Seoul plays an instrumental role in the plotline of Perfect Girl. I spent the time yesterday and today, going after some places that I mention in the novel.
Sometime in 1979, Kirsten Peabody (later Kirsten Choi) was born at the Yongsan US Army Base in central Seoul, to an American GI and his Korean wife. A month later, she left for Anniston, Alabama. This is a look at what remains of the base; still partially under US Army control, it's mostly off-limits to civilians, but the base is being turned over to South Korea, to be turned into a park. I took this picture from the new National Museum of Korea, which occupies part of what used to be the base. In the distance, Seoul Tower, the most visible landmark in Seoul, is visible.
On July 10, 2003, Sarah worked Flight 893 from San Francisco. She was assaulted by a drunk passenger, and upon arrival, was traumatized during the followup interrogation by the Korean police. Of course, getting the crew visa itself was an ordeal. Finding herself in Seoul against her will, Sarah holed herself up in her hotel room at the Shilla, and refused to come out for two days. The following two photos explain why I put Sarah at the Shilla, of all hotels in Seoul.
The Shilla is located on the slopes of Mt. Namsan, just south of downtown Seoul. Here is another look at Seoul Tower from the Shilla grounds. It would have probably been visible from Sarah's room, if she ever cared to look outside.
Sarah would've also had a view of downtown Seoul. She remarked that whoever founded Seoul must have had good aesthetical sense, because of all the stunning mountains surrounding the landscape, but added that the current residents no longer have that aesthetic sense, because of the sorry architecture of the buildings. Even to me, this certainly does not look like Hong Kong, Shanghai, Tokyo, or other Asian cities with exotic, distinctive skylines. And while the historic palaces are there, they are not visible from the Shilla.
On the third day, Sarah's last full day of the layover, she finally decided to step out and face the world, with help of her purser Evelyn and her Korean-speaking colleague Julie. Evelyn and Julie brought Sarah here, to Insa-dong Antique District, the most traditional shopping district in Seoul. I could find many foreigners visiting here today as well.
Evelyn and Julie would've taken Sarah to a traditional Korean restaurant for a barbecue lunch, hidden away on an alleyway like this. Surprisingly for Sarah, the three didn't get kicked out, and the waitress at the restaurant was very courteous. I added a bit of my own personal experience, by having Sarah hear Mariah Carey's "Hero," and be inspired by its lyrics. Mariah Carey is probably the best-known and most popular American in Korea today.
Sarah enjoyed the rest of her stay in Seoul, and ended up working several more flights into Seoul until she was laid off in 2004.
This woman is writing calligraphy; she calls it "butterfly letters." I saw many other displays of traditional Korean art and craft, and I am sure that Sarah and her company would've seen a few as well, as they strolled the main drag of Insa-dong.
As much as I would like pictures of Incheon Airport and the United Airlines office there, strict security won't allow me to take pictures of those places, so this will have to suffice.
Sometime in 1979, Kirsten Peabody (later Kirsten Choi) was born at the Yongsan US Army Base in central Seoul, to an American GI and his Korean wife. A month later, she left for Anniston, Alabama. This is a look at what remains of the base; still partially under US Army control, it's mostly off-limits to civilians, but the base is being turned over to South Korea, to be turned into a park. I took this picture from the new National Museum of Korea, which occupies part of what used to be the base. In the distance, Seoul Tower, the most visible landmark in Seoul, is visible.
On July 10, 2003, Sarah worked Flight 893 from San Francisco. She was assaulted by a drunk passenger, and upon arrival, was traumatized during the followup interrogation by the Korean police. Of course, getting the crew visa itself was an ordeal. Finding herself in Seoul against her will, Sarah holed herself up in her hotel room at the Shilla, and refused to come out for two days. The following two photos explain why I put Sarah at the Shilla, of all hotels in Seoul.
The Shilla is located on the slopes of Mt. Namsan, just south of downtown Seoul. Here is another look at Seoul Tower from the Shilla grounds. It would have probably been visible from Sarah's room, if she ever cared to look outside.
Sarah would've also had a view of downtown Seoul. She remarked that whoever founded Seoul must have had good aesthetical sense, because of all the stunning mountains surrounding the landscape, but added that the current residents no longer have that aesthetic sense, because of the sorry architecture of the buildings. Even to me, this certainly does not look like Hong Kong, Shanghai, Tokyo, or other Asian cities with exotic, distinctive skylines. And while the historic palaces are there, they are not visible from the Shilla.
On the third day, Sarah's last full day of the layover, she finally decided to step out and face the world, with help of her purser Evelyn and her Korean-speaking colleague Julie. Evelyn and Julie brought Sarah here, to Insa-dong Antique District, the most traditional shopping district in Seoul. I could find many foreigners visiting here today as well.
Evelyn and Julie would've taken Sarah to a traditional Korean restaurant for a barbecue lunch, hidden away on an alleyway like this. Surprisingly for Sarah, the three didn't get kicked out, and the waitress at the restaurant was very courteous. I added a bit of my own personal experience, by having Sarah hear Mariah Carey's "Hero," and be inspired by its lyrics. Mariah Carey is probably the best-known and most popular American in Korea today.Sarah enjoyed the rest of her stay in Seoul, and ended up working several more flights into Seoul until she was laid off in 2004.
This woman is writing calligraphy; she calls it "butterfly letters." I saw many other displays of traditional Korean art and craft, and I am sure that Sarah and her company would've seen a few as well, as they strolled the main drag of Insa-dong.As much as I would like pictures of Incheon Airport and the United Airlines office there, strict security won't allow me to take pictures of those places, so this will have to suffice.
15 November 2005
The Dinner Scene - Finished
It's early morning Wednesday the 16th, but by the time I actually get on the Net and post this in the blog, it will be Friday the 18th. Two all-day trips to the southern coast of the Korean peninsula will prevent me from using the Net today and tomorrow.
I have at last finished my dinner scene with Sarah, which takes place in early 2007 in London, England. Being jet-lagged in Seoul is a good thing, allowing me to do work on my writing projects instead of trying in vain to go to sleep.
I won't be posting the actual scene in public spaces; it will only be shared with the people I already know in the writing community. But it was a good exercise allowing me to explore not only Sarah, but myself, as well.
The most important thing Sarah and I agreed on was that the two of us were making history in our societies. Sarah was making history by being the protagonist of my novel, and allowing the world to see a different side of the transgender experience. I will be making history by running a business here in Korea - where until now, transgender people have been limited to nightclub and sex industry jobs due to extremely rampant discrimination.
Otherwise, Sarah got a chance to vent to me about her experiences, from her own experiences here in Seoul during her flight attendant years, to a visit to a disgusting sperm bank that I made her make. She of course noted that I had too many similarities to her spouse Kirsten. We also discussed my common ground with Sarah herself - from Sarah's first international flight back in 1999 (which I happened to fly on!) to Sarah's fashion sense (which I share).
I look forward to writing another scene to be actually inserted into the novel, as soon as I return to the US.
I have at last finished my dinner scene with Sarah, which takes place in early 2007 in London, England. Being jet-lagged in Seoul is a good thing, allowing me to do work on my writing projects instead of trying in vain to go to sleep.
I won't be posting the actual scene in public spaces; it will only be shared with the people I already know in the writing community. But it was a good exercise allowing me to explore not only Sarah, but myself, as well.
The most important thing Sarah and I agreed on was that the two of us were making history in our societies. Sarah was making history by being the protagonist of my novel, and allowing the world to see a different side of the transgender experience. I will be making history by running a business here in Korea - where until now, transgender people have been limited to nightclub and sex industry jobs due to extremely rampant discrimination.
Otherwise, Sarah got a chance to vent to me about her experiences, from her own experiences here in Seoul during her flight attendant years, to a visit to a disgusting sperm bank that I made her make. She of course noted that I had too many similarities to her spouse Kirsten. We also discussed my common ground with Sarah herself - from Sarah's first international flight back in 1999 (which I happened to fly on!) to Sarah's fashion sense (which I share).
I look forward to writing another scene to be actually inserted into the novel, as soon as I return to the US.
13 November 2005
Feeling Sarah's presence
Right now, I have returned to Incheon Airport, an hour west of Seoul, to obtain prepaid WiFi cards, which the bureaucrats at KT in Seoul did not even know of. They want the damn National ID number, which I cannot provide, since I am a foreigner!
Having set one entire chapter of Perfect Girl in Seoul, I feel special coming back here. Incheon Airport, in particular, is where some of Sarah's activities take place. Not too far away from where I am sitting is the United Airlines crew office, where Sarah would've gone to get her briefings before working her flights back to San Francisco. And the police interrogation after a passenger assaults Sarah on her first Seoul flight would also take here at Incheon.
Coming out here to get my WiFi access cards has eaten up a lot of my time, and I don't expect to stroll the streets of Insa-Dong Antique District (where Sarah ate a lunch and did shopping for Kirsten) today. I'll be lucky if I can get myself to the Jamsil district on the east side of Seoul, where I'll be tracing footsteps from my own past.
Having set one entire chapter of Perfect Girl in Seoul, I feel special coming back here. Incheon Airport, in particular, is where some of Sarah's activities take place. Not too far away from where I am sitting is the United Airlines crew office, where Sarah would've gone to get her briefings before working her flights back to San Francisco. And the police interrogation after a passenger assaults Sarah on her first Seoul flight would also take here at Incheon.
Coming out here to get my WiFi access cards has eaten up a lot of my time, and I don't expect to stroll the streets of Insa-Dong Antique District (where Sarah ate a lunch and did shopping for Kirsten) today. I'll be lucky if I can get myself to the Jamsil district on the east side of Seoul, where I'll be tracing footsteps from my own past.
First Post from Seoul
I am finally in Seoul.
As I made my way here on the wonderful service by Asiana Airlines, my thought was constantly on Sarah, as I saw the top-notch Asiana flight attendants in action. In particular, one of the flight attendants was an American brunette who was juggling Korean, English, and Spanish with the different passengers; she reminded me of Sarah's own language proficiencies. I could easily see that serving the passengers' needs for a 13-hour flight was no easy task, and it would be even worse over at United for Sarah, given United's pathetic flight attendant pay and neglect of infrastructure and services.
Upon arriving at Incheon Airport, I searched for a Korea Telecom (KT) office to buy prepaid WiFi access cards; it was too late, and now I am writing this entry offline. The search did take me to various airline offices on the second floor of the airport terminal, including the United office, where Sarah would have gotten her briefings before working her flights back to San Francisco.
This is my fourth visit to Seoul, but the first one since I started working on Perfect Girl. Right now, I am in an apartment next to the former US Army Base in Yongsan, which is supposed to be Kirsten's birthplace. Tomorrow, I will be hitting the streets to get those KT prepaid WiFi cards - and to retrace the steps of Kirsten, Sarah, and me that are strewn all over this city.
As I made my way here on the wonderful service by Asiana Airlines, my thought was constantly on Sarah, as I saw the top-notch Asiana flight attendants in action. In particular, one of the flight attendants was an American brunette who was juggling Korean, English, and Spanish with the different passengers; she reminded me of Sarah's own language proficiencies. I could easily see that serving the passengers' needs for a 13-hour flight was no easy task, and it would be even worse over at United for Sarah, given United's pathetic flight attendant pay and neglect of infrastructure and services.
Upon arriving at Incheon Airport, I searched for a Korea Telecom (KT) office to buy prepaid WiFi access cards; it was too late, and now I am writing this entry offline. The search did take me to various airline offices on the second floor of the airport terminal, including the United office, where Sarah would have gotten her briefings before working her flights back to San Francisco.
This is my fourth visit to Seoul, but the first one since I started working on Perfect Girl. Right now, I am in an apartment next to the former US Army Base in Yongsan, which is supposed to be Kirsten's birthplace. Tomorrow, I will be hitting the streets to get those KT prepaid WiFi cards - and to retrace the steps of Kirsten, Sarah, and me that are strewn all over this city.
11 November 2005
Final post before Seoul
In under 36 hours, I will be on the way to Seoul.
My itinerary there has pretty much been set. The lack of privacy will prevent me from presenting as a woman, and will put a damper on the spirit of this trip. I will not get to stroll the streets and retrace my childhood steps as a woman, at least this time.
However, this trip does carry a lot of business promises, and if the business works out, I will be a regular in Seoul, allowing me to finally present myself the right way. By that point, the goal will be to have a passport that identifies me as Rachel.
Due to my presentation issues, I don't think I will be doing too many things related to Perfect Girl, aside from a stroll of the main drag of the Insa-Dong Antique District, where Sarah and two coworkers had a good lunch in 2003 (and Sarah made up with the Koreans - and shopped for Kirsten). When I am not presenting as a woman, and people interact with me differently as a result, it's just that much harder to experience Sarah's feelings. But, as mentioned, I will try to retrace my childhood steps, and that will be a big plus for my memoir. A possible day trip to Busan will also allow me to retrace my parents' childhood steps.
I will see how the trip unfolds. If there are things worth noting, I will note it on this blog. In the meantime, the blog will now be switched over to Korean standard time, GMT +9.
My itinerary there has pretty much been set. The lack of privacy will prevent me from presenting as a woman, and will put a damper on the spirit of this trip. I will not get to stroll the streets and retrace my childhood steps as a woman, at least this time.
However, this trip does carry a lot of business promises, and if the business works out, I will be a regular in Seoul, allowing me to finally present myself the right way. By that point, the goal will be to have a passport that identifies me as Rachel.
Due to my presentation issues, I don't think I will be doing too many things related to Perfect Girl, aside from a stroll of the main drag of the Insa-Dong Antique District, where Sarah and two coworkers had a good lunch in 2003 (and Sarah made up with the Koreans - and shopped for Kirsten). When I am not presenting as a woman, and people interact with me differently as a result, it's just that much harder to experience Sarah's feelings. But, as mentioned, I will try to retrace my childhood steps, and that will be a big plus for my memoir. A possible day trip to Busan will also allow me to retrace my parents' childhood steps.
I will see how the trip unfolds. If there are things worth noting, I will note it on this blog. In the meantime, the blog will now be switched over to Korean standard time, GMT +9.
05 November 2005
Embellishing the story
Recently I received an email from a former classmate of mine, asking me (and other former classmates) if it would be a great idea to incorporate an early sex scene into her novel, which deals with a fictional early 1980s pop diva. After all, her protagonist has issues with men, so a negative sex scene would set things up nicely. And she also adds, sex sells.
Her email address is bouncing, but I tried replying to her, telling her to go for it. Anything that can explain, or make plausible, another portion of the story, IMO, is a good addition. After all, that's what I did to Perfect Girl as well; by bringing in Sarah's grandfather Warren into the story, and making him a US Air Force veteran of the Korean War, I managed to explain Sarah's own fascination with airplanes and her relationship with Kirsten, as well as giving more weight to the existing full chapter where Sarah is sent to Seoul. (Now, as I write the dinner scene, I decided that Warren will die in 2006 from a plane crash near Santa Cruz, even though it'll probably be irrelevant to the story.)
In any case, I feel good to be staying in touch with the writing community, at least online, if not in real life. It's nice to share ideas with fellow writers. After all, while ending Perfect Girl in London was my fleeting idea, fleshing out the specifics - sending Kirsten to BBC and Sarah to Virgin Atlantic - was from Gayle Brandeis, my instructor/mentor. In addition, the writer's community has proven to be, at a personal level, another wonderful group of people who have accepted me for who I am, in addition to embracing Sarah. And that's priceless.
Her email address is bouncing, but I tried replying to her, telling her to go for it. Anything that can explain, or make plausible, another portion of the story, IMO, is a good addition. After all, that's what I did to Perfect Girl as well; by bringing in Sarah's grandfather Warren into the story, and making him a US Air Force veteran of the Korean War, I managed to explain Sarah's own fascination with airplanes and her relationship with Kirsten, as well as giving more weight to the existing full chapter where Sarah is sent to Seoul. (Now, as I write the dinner scene, I decided that Warren will die in 2006 from a plane crash near Santa Cruz, even though it'll probably be irrelevant to the story.)
In any case, I feel good to be staying in touch with the writing community, at least online, if not in real life. It's nice to share ideas with fellow writers. After all, while ending Perfect Girl in London was my fleeting idea, fleshing out the specifics - sending Kirsten to BBC and Sarah to Virgin Atlantic - was from Gayle Brandeis, my instructor/mentor. In addition, the writer's community has proven to be, at a personal level, another wonderful group of people who have accepted me for who I am, in addition to embracing Sarah. And that's priceless.
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