I'm applying to be a flight attendant!

No, not really. But I'll get as close to being one as possible.

The best way for me to understand Sarah's flight attendant stint would be for me to go through the experience myself - apply with various airlines, go through the interviews, pass the training, and live the life of a flight attendant as a transgender woman. But seriously, the last thing the airlines need in their applicant files is someone with my temperament. I'll never work as a flight attendant, and I don't have much of a desire to work as one anyway.

I have, however, just placed an order for some materials online, written by a current flight attendant and career consultant, that will demystify the process for me. The materials include a Microsoft Word document with specific interview information on United Airlines, which I have already downloaded and emailed to my home computer. A book will follow next week, and it will detail everything from how an applicant will need to present, what kind of mindset she'll need to have, and what kind of a work schedule a flight attendant can expect. These materials will fill in most, if not all, of the holes I have regarding Sarah's flight attendant work.

Now, I need to start formulating the whole process for Sarah. What will bring her to apply for a position as a flight attendant? Which airlines will she apply to, in addition to United? (Alaska, another airline with crew base in San Francisco, could fit the bill, but its homophobic management will get in the way. I'll make it discreet though, as I do patronize Alaska Airlines often and do not wish it any harm. But in any case, only United will offer Sarah a job.) How will Sarah answer the interview questions, and what will her posture be like? What will she wear? Will Sarah overcome the bitterness from her high school years (especially regarding Latino jocks) at the interviews?

The process will also be repeated for Martha. I also need to invent a way with which Martha will pass the 10-year background check, which all airlines conduct (having applied in the past for a Northwest customer service position myself, I know the drill). The fake reference from a former customer may not be enough. Or I could bend reality and have Martha luck out.

I hope to have large pieces of Sarah's life, and virtually all of her flight attendant stint, in place, before too long. But to get there, I will need to know the process well enough to a point where I will myself be ready to interview for a flight attendant position. I look forward to it - it will be the next best thing to actually working as a flight attendant.